took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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