i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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