dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
one two three fourrrrnication!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
