I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
