i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
