peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You are a genius and a whore.
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