Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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