Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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