Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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