dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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