I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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