what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
