Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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