I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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