i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
