During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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