i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
