never play flip cup with pint glasses
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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