There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
