I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
