I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
organizing the empties. That sober.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
