he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
