I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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