i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
