Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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