My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
