Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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