You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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