Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
