I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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