Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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