we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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