With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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