One girl and one boy is just not enough.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this is an emotional support booty call
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
