On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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