In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
