On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
