The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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