Plan B is the new Plan A
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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