Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
