Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i love accidental penises.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
