youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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