i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
