He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
