she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
