i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
