doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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