the condom got lost in my hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
