Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
