My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
