dude i'm inner monologue high
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
