Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
