I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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