Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
