What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
