and i looked up. we had an audience...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
