Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
