whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
