Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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