We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
