Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
