Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
