I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize