She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
