Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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