I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i dont even know how to be here
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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