The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
