i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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