You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
