I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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