i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
