I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
