i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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