so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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