I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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