you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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