I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life